That's how She came to be.; CNF.

        She was a teenager, fifteen, long straight red hair, glasses, and pregnant with her first child. 
It was about early 1996 and her baby was mixed. Less than a year later, she got pregnant again. She was at least sixteen in a half by then and didn't know how she'd take care of two babies at the same time, she couldn't. She wanted her next baby to have the best life she could, she she gave her up for adoption. She had the baby on January 14, 1997. She picked the family she felt was right for her, gave her up with just a picture of herself and her first baby and that baby would no longer be hers. She would have named her Cassandra.
        There was a couple living in Utah, Jody and Christie who had a young, adopted boy. She couldn't have her own kids'. In the male gene on her dad's side of the family, every third child that was a girl couldn't reproduce. They wanted another child, a girl. So they filed for adoption but waited months and months for any contact from one. Once the call came, they knew it was right.
"We have a baby girl for you!" The adoption agency told them when they finally called. They headed to Mesa, Arizona, where she was born, to pick her up and welcome her into their family.  They were thrilled, not to mention grateful. They wanted to meet the birth mother of their child. They set up a lunch date with her, to meet and thank her for being so brave and generous to give up a child. Last minute, she backed out, scared they assumed.
        They knew she would have called the baby Cassandra. They had to think of a name! Jody liked Holly, only because their last name was Wood, so she'd be called "Holly Wood," but Christie wasn't too impressed. They ended up with Cassidy. Cassidy wood. She always smiled, loved to sing, and had a love for soccer and family. All the thing's she's still fond of to this day. She knows those are the things that make her who she is, especially family, even if she was adopted into hers.

That's how Cassidy Wood came to be.

When I said Nothing.

     I was sitting in class, "what are you staring at?" My teacher asked. "Nothing." I simply replied.

     My friend called me that friday night, "What are you doing tonight?"
"Nothing." I told her with an unsure tone overtaking my voice.

   "Hey! What's wrong?" That cute guy I'd been crushing on for days ran up to me in the halls.
"Oh hey... Nothing."

     Gazing off in first period, staring straight at the far corner of the wall, without even realizing it.
'Dang, he looked so cute today.' I thought. I wondered why some of the kids in my class annoyed me so much. Random questions started spinning around my head. 'What will my life be like in five years?' 'Why is the sky blue?' 'What's the point of math?' 'Does he like me?' ' What would my life be like if...?"
Then out of my thoughts, and into reality, my teacher had to interrupt me.

    *Scroll Down, scroll down, scroll down.* A weird picture, a couple new relationship status', some drama, and five messages was all that was on facebook. I decided listening to music would be something a little more productive, so I typed in Pandora in the address bar. I glanced down at my cold, bare feet. I needed a new color. This hot pink was way too summery for fall.  I picked out a  pail, dark, sparkly nude color. As i stroked my index-toe, my phone rang so loud, making my hand lose balance and paint my skin, almost all the way down to my pinky-toe. Way to put me in a bad mood.

     The weekend was over, which meant unfortunetally I had to wake up and go to school. Walking to H-Hallway, I passed the guy with the girl who he just stopped talking to me for. I hated her. He smiled at me. I glanced at him as if he weren't worth the time of day, no expression, no nothing. 'What a fag.' I thought to myself. Almost instantly, I heard footsteps gaining on mine. I thought how much of a bad mood He just put me in, holding hands with her and what not. On my own will, I looked back. The footsteps that were gaining on me were his.

    Nothing. Meaningfull, but meaningless. Nothing is the word we go to. Our backup when we don't want anyone to know what's really going on.

     What was I doing when my teacher asked me what I was staring at? Nothing. What was I doing on that Calm friday night? Nothing. What was wrong when he smiled at me? Nothing. But really, everytime I said nothing, there really was something.

The Warm Winter. CNF; 150 words.

        In the winter, the sun doesn't shine- but the fire does. It's not just automatically warm; you have to create the warmth. The brisk, almost unbarring cool air makes each finger clench up one by one, joint by joint. The only thing that can make them unclench is warmth. Man made, artificial warmth. When you're cold, you wrap yourself in a blanket, winter's the sane way- wrapping something cold to make it warm. We wrap it in holiday spirit. But what's this holiday spirit that makes winter warm? For me it'd be my family, friends, and food. The spirit of Santa and the belief of him coming down the chimney every Christmas Eve to leave presents for the boys and girls. People are always smiling in the holiday season. Whether it's because of feisty shoppers, anxious children, or calming carolers singing, we'll never know.

That's the warming thing about winter.

In defense of Rain. CNF.

In defense of rain

Rain allows the clouds to let loose of the tension from the sun. Not only clouds, but us too. Without the rain, when else would we be able to feel the slat of moisture on our tongue when we catch a raindrop in our mouth, or feel the water erupt as we pounce onto that still puddle we can’t resist jumping in. Without rain, we’d never be able to listen to that soothing sound of the rain pattering on the window, almost as sweet as a lullaby that helps us fall asleep that much faster. If we were to fall asleep to the sound of suns rays, we’d wake up burning. That same burning that makes us yearn for that cooling drench we love to experience. With that drench, comes the refreshing scent of the first rain of the season, so clean, as if all the dirt in the world was washed away. That moment when you have something cold, but want something hot. That may be the worst feeling ever. But in the defense of rain, it’s incredible.

Did you hear about Lorraine?

           

            “Did you hear about Lorraine?” Kate interrogated Jessica, looking her straight into the eyes.

            “No, why? Is it bad?”                       

            Kate smirked subtly, “You could say that.”

            Was I supposed to say something? Lorraine’s my best friend, Kate and Jessica are our friends too, but they obviously didn’t know I was right behind them.

           

            “Tell me more! Now!” Jessica shrieked as she jumped with excitement.

            “You seriously haven’t heard? Literally, everyone’s talking about it. Well, accept Brooklyn.”

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            Wait, Brooklyn? Come on, that’s me. Lorraine tells me everything, there’s nothing, and I mean nothing we don’t know about each other. 

            “And obviously me. Hurry up and tell me before class starts!” Jessica slapped her binder hoping she’d get to her point.

            “Okay, well…”

            The bell rang, perfect timing! Get to your freaking point, Kate. I thought to myself. Maybe if I just lingered a few minutes during passing period I’d get the full story of what I apparently didn’t know. I couldn’t help but tell myself how dumb they were for thinking that me, out of all people would know something about my best friend, but everyone else did. That was the funniest thing I’d ever heard.

            “Are you kidding? You take so long to explain things! Just spit it out!” Jessica exclaimed, with a hint of aggravation in her voice.

            “You know how Lorraine’s dating Chris? And Brooklyn’s dating Steven? “

            Jessica nodded, as if there was no point to this conversation.

            “Well, Lorraine’s cheating on Chris with Steven!”

            “What! Lorraine can’t do that, I mean, Steven and Brooklyn are-“

            Cutting Jessica off, looking at her pink polished nails, Kate casually stated, “Well, it looks like she’s pretty capable of doing it.”

            “That’s so messed up! Didn’t Brooklyn and Chris date a while ago?”

            “Kay, well I’m gunna go..”

            “They totally did! For a long time too. I can’t believe Lorraine.”

            Chris and I totally dated, for five months. I was fine with Lorraine having him, but now seven too? And Steven and I aren’t even over. I was so pissed, you have no idea. Without thinking, I was already half way over to confront them when I heard the end of their conversation.

            “That’s what I thought too! But Jessica, you cannot tell brookly-“

            “Can’t tell me what?” I rudely cut her off.

            “Oh, it’s nothing.” Jessica tried to reassure me, in that kiss up of a voice.

            “Wait, you mean that thing about Lorraine, Chris, and Steven? Yeah, I heard it a couple minutes ago from two girls who think other people can’t hear them talking.”

            I walked away, that’s all I had to say to them. Who knew your so-called friends could be so unfaithful.

CNF; Nostalgia.

The memories that fill the mind, are the ones which are never forgotten. 

She remembers all the little kids in her kindergarten class sitting in a circle at  calender time, whispering and giggling. On their birthday she remembered their teacher saying, "We have two birthdays today!" She knew it was hers, but little did she know the other person would become her best friend. She remembers how confused she was that winter evening when her dad carried her out of her bed and into her brothers room, as he told her they had a death in the family, Carrie. She'll never forget the strength it took for her, as a six year old, to fight back tears at the funeral because she thought it wasn't okay for her to cry. She closes her eyes and feels the ocean breeze in Kawaii watching the tiny turtles twist and turn at sunset on Turtle Cove. She remembers the sting on her eyeballs when her eyes teared up as she sang the line; "Now his hands are trembling," at her grandpa's funeral with her cousin. She remembers the butterflies fluttering around in her stomach when she's nervous. She remembers the bright smile that constantly grows upon her face when there's ever an opportunity to smile. She remembers the feeling of success when she scores  a goal, or gets first place.

She remembers success is what she's aiming for.

CNF; Growing is Forever.

The luminous light I cannot explain,
Such vibrant colors,
so opposite of plain,
They stand so tall, united together.

Hoping this boundryless land will be here forever.

Eyes Wide Open.

I look up at the cloudless sky.

The wind gently strokes my cheeks.

I slightly hear restless cars go by.

Passing people almost missed,

With no sight of them at the close of a door.

Is that what this world's all about?

As fast as someone's in your life,
Suddenly they're out.

Why I write.

            I write to let go of things I can't let go of off of paper. To just let my emotions take over the words that eventually end up on this paper sitting in front of me. When I write things I wouldn't tell people, I write them in confidence knowing that piece of paper will keep whatever I write on it in its own creases, and not in someone elses' conversation. Writing helps me remember when I want to embrace those memories that I'd want myself to experience again, or even ones I wouldn't want to experience again. I write so I can understand myself better. Even though sometimes I have no idea what I'm trying to explain, or when I don't even have a full understanding of the words I'm writing, it just comes out. Writing can change my state of mind at times. It helps me forgive, process emotions, or even just makes me think. Writing is literally a freedom of speech and words. It's irreplaceable.