In defense of rain
Rain allows the clouds to let loose of the tension from the sun. Not only clouds, but us too. Without the rain, when else would we be able to feel the slat of moisture on our tongue when we catch a raindrop in our mouth, or feel the water erupt as we pounce onto that still puddle we can’t resist jumping in. Without rain, we’d never be able to listen to that soothing sound of the rain pattering on the window, almost as sweet as a lullaby that helps us fall asleep that much faster. If we were to fall asleep to the sound of suns rays, we’d wake up burning. That same burning that makes us yearn for that cooling drench we love to experience. With that drench, comes the refreshing scent of the first rain of the season, so clean, as if all the dirt in the world was washed away. That moment when you have something cold, but want something hot. That may be the worst feeling ever. But in the defense of rain, it’s incredible.
This is a very quick piece but so strong. Even so, it could be stronger.
ReplyDeleteMy FAVORITE line, which I think I would even add to my favorite quotes, is "If we were to fall asleep to the sound of sun rays, we'd wake up burning." I fully agree with it and not only that, it's a golden transition from what life would be like without the rain to why sun makes us want the rain. Beautiful.
I would watch your word choice in a few places. For example, in the beginning you're talking about what life would be like without rain, but I don't think that "Without the rain" is the appropriate way to go--or if it is, don't use "rain" in the rest of the explanation. Meaning... when you say "without rain we'd never be able to listen to that soothing sound of the rain" it's like saying "without rain there would be no rain." It's kind of redundant. I would suggest reconstructing it, which can be done by taking the sensory detail a step further; e.g. "Without rain we wouldn't hear the lullaby of water on the windows" --well something like that. Does this make sense?
Other than that it is a strong and tight piece. And beautiful. And rain is amazing.
I loved this piece. it was really creative and impressive. you used good describing words throughout the whole piece and it wasn't boring. the only thing I would suggest is the line "that moment when you have something cold, but want "hot" you could improve this sentence by showing what you mean through a better simile. (: and make it a complete sentence! overall i enjoyed reading this. good choice!
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